If i lose 10 pounds by september, I’ma buy myself a nice little dress. i’m an independent woman yo.
"People like to ask if you’re okay. Most days, I am. But some days, I have to lie because replying with, “No. I am too depressed for life today,” is not really socially acceptable in a casual conversation. That shit’s too deep for small talk. As a depressed person, I have to constantly explain myself to my friends, family, professors, and deans. When I miss a class because I feel like an immaculate shitbag that day to even move, or eat, or wash my hair, I usually just apologize for being sick. It’s not a lie of an excuse, it’s just unfortunately a lot easier for people to comprehend your mental illness in terms of its physical symptoms. Because emotions, you know, are too abstract to be validated by a doctor’s note. We haven’t reached that point yet where most can accept mental illness to be just as immobilizing as physical illness. So until then, people suffering from depression are often dismissed as weak, self-pitying, and sensitive."
2 steps up, 1 step back
I honestly felt happy for the first time in a long while a couple days ago. It was amazing. I almost wrote about it, but I forgot to.
And then today. A little argument over some tiny little thing crashed everything down. Yeah, it’ll be okay. But it always pushes me back one step. It’s like the world is always telling me, ” you don’t get to be happy”.
Today I feel shitty. I ate a lot of junk food. I’m getting so fat. But no one understands or cares. They’ll just smile and laugh and look the other way.
Sometimes I get tired of people. Not to say that I don’t enjoy the company of them. I just have a threshold of how much i can handle people. And i think i’ve reached it.
I need a couple people-less days.
It’s not just love,
" All you need is love"
When I was younger I believed that with love, anything can be conquered. Fears, regrets, doubts, problems.
In our younger years dating was simply, ” I like you, and you like me. ” We never stopped to think about the future, careers, compatibility.
But now I know, that relationships can’t work on just love.
It’s love and a lot of other factors.
Compatibility, careers, your future, their future, timing, supportiveness, mentality, interests, the way you deal with arguments, independence, and so much more.
you can’t help but think about all the other factors besides just your emotions.
Because in reality, love really can’t solve all your problems.
But patience, persistence, and rationality will.
The first day in a long time that I feel like i’ve had to MYself. The first day to spend it freely, at my own will.
The first day not on any schedule, obligation, or answering to anyone.
It feels great. And it feels so lonely and sad.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I’m allowed to be happy right? Because I still have a guilty conscience telling me that I don’t deserve to be happy.
Happy, sad, its all the same. Ha.
HIt by reality
I’m so close to being done with all my clases. WOW. what.
That just makes college even more precious. So close to the end, gotta finish strong.
4 more classes to go? OR A MINOR. DUN DUNDUN
no, i can’t. I’d like to go back in time. Be naiive, and young.